19 Lessons 2019 Taught Me
It’s almost 2020… which means reflection posts are upon us!
Like most of you probably do, I like to take the time to look back on my past year and see how much I’ve changed. To put it bluntly, 2019 brought more changes in my life than I’ve seen in the past 5 years combined. So I compiled a list of 19 lessons 2019 taught me (or reminded me of).
But before I get all introspective, let me list a handful of accomplishments that I am proud of this year:
(1) I walked away from a relationship that was no longer serving me, and was certainly not healthy for my daughter to witness.
(2) I reconnected with my high school sweetheart and somehow tricked him into spending the rest of his life with me… and we are expecting a baby!
(3) I GRADUATED COLLEGE!!! After eight years, four schools, multiple dropouts, on/off depression and anxiety, and countless majors, I finally finished my BA in English creative writing with a minor in literature.
(4) I bought a house. Well, we bought a house. We close at the end of the month and are extremely excited to start our journey in our new home.
It’s been a crazier year than usual, but not in a bad way. There have been a lot of unexpected changes, and I am thankful to be exactly where I am today. Here are some lessons I learned along the way.
#1. Follow your intuition.
It’s cliche, but it’s true. I had a gut feeling last Christmas that I ignored, and ended up wasting nearly four months trying to convince myself I was happy when I clearly wasn’t. Looking back, I could have spent the first part of 2019 focusing on myself and Elsie if only I had listened to my intuition sooner.
Thankfully, I did finally make the decision to end my toxic relationship. Once I did that, I felt this sense of freedom that I hadn’t felt in ages. I started gardening, focused on finishing my last semester of school, and decided to start taking care of myself first. (Well, second, after Elsie of course.)
#2. Eat the damn cupcake.
This isn’t necessarily a lesson in body positivity – though you can certainly take it that way if you wish. For me, this is a lesson in choosing what makes you happy and going after what you want. If I see a cupcake and think to myself, “Man that looks good,” then I want to have the initiative to get up and take it.
As a real life example, I’ve been thinking for a few years that I would love to buy a house. I’ve looked at different houses for sale intermittently, but didn’t really take the initiative to make it happen. (Well, I tried once but my budget was limited back then.) As soon as we found out we were expecting our second child, I started researching and planning. A month later, we started the home buying process officially, and now approximately 10 days later, we are already about to close on our first home!
#3. Limit your spending at Starbucks.
I’ve made a decent chunk of change blogging this year – nothing to brag about, but enough to make it worthwhile. And somehow that money has just disappeared. I took a look at my PayPal and it turns out most of that extra income paid for my Starbucks habit. #yikes. Starting this month, I drastically cut back on Starbucks. Now I magically have an extra few hundred dollars. Woo!
#4. Actually, just cut back on fast food in general.
When I saw how much I spent at Starbucks, I started to pay more attention to our budget as a whole. I noticed we spend way too much money on fast food… and it’s obviously not exactly healthy. Long story short, we’re making progress. More groceries, less restaurants.
#5. Plan time for planning…
I’ve always loved to plan, but sometimes I get so caught up in the daily bustle that I end up just handling life as it comes my way. Something I’m going to work on in 2020 is making sure I have time to plan properly. I have so many things I’d like to accomplish but don’t plan for well enough – time for that to change.
#6. …but also for family.
It’s easy to get so busy that we forget to make time for each other. Take the time to plan events with family outside of the regular meals or evening activities. Go bowling. Have a movie night. Bake cookies together. Make memories that you and your children will look back on fondly in 10, 20, even 30 years from now.
#7. It’s okay to take a break…
Life got a little crazy for a couple months in 2019. From September through November, I had a lot of client work that took up most of my free time at home. I ended up taking that time to step back from blogging to avoid overwhelm, and am saner for it. Now that client projects have slowed down, I’m ready to dive back into the blog!
#8. …and it’s okay if you make a break permanent.
If there is something in your life that is draining your energy and no longer serves you, let it go. Whether it’s an activity, a commitment you’ve made to someone else, or even a relationship or friendship – you are allowed to permanently leave behind things that do not make you happy.
#9. Try new things.
Something that’s been on my bucket list for years was to build a garden. I never had a house with the space to do that… until the past couple of years. The first spring I spent in this house, I made excuses. I told myself that I had no idea how to start a garden, so I didn’t do it. But in 2019 I stopped making excuses and took the time to try something new and it was so therapeutic!
#10. Kids need room to grow…
They need plenty of room to make their own mistakes to learn from them.
#11. …and so do adults.
As a kid, I always thought grown ups knew everything and never made mistakes. Now? I know better. Even in my late 20s, I am still learning and growing every single day. It’s important to recognize that adults need leniency too.
#12. Instagram really isn’t the be-all-end-all.
In September, I stepped away from Instagram and haven’t really been on it much since. One thing I learned? It’s not as important as everyone makes it out to be. Which leads me to my next point…
#13. Social media will always be there…
I left Instagram for a couple of months in 2019 and guess what? It was still there waiting for me when I went back. Same with Twitter, Facebook, and any other social media.
#14. …but your family won’t.
We all know that life is short; you don’t need me to tell you that. But sometimes we get so caught up in our own lives (or social media) that we pass up opportunities with family who may not have much longer with us. One thing that stings a little is knowing I didn’t spend as much time getting to know my grandparents as I should have, because I’ve missed that chance.
#15. Family isn’t about last names, or even blood.
Speaking of family… In 2019 we found out that we have another sister! Long story short, our dad didn’t know she existed until a couple months ago when she found out he was her biological father. So technically for me she is a stepsister, but here’s the thing: blood relation or not, you choose who your family is.
Relatives are name and blood, but family? Family is who loves you without conditions, never hesitates to be there for you when you need them, and accepts you exactly as you are. You define who your family is.
#16. You control whether you achieve your dreams…
I used to make excuses about why I couldn’t reach my dreams. Usually it was because I was too busy with other responsibilities to make time for myself. But then I realized I was the only one holding myself back. If you want something badly enough, you will work for it.
#17. …and you are responsible for your own failures.
By making excuses or not taking steps toward achieving your dreams, you have no one to blame but yourself when you fail. It’s up to you to decide whether or not you will succeed!
#18. There isn’t one “right” path.
Picture a mountain. Now imagine how large the base of the mountain is. How many paths can fit around and up the mountain to the peak? So many! And every path is different. That’s how life is: we’re all just trying to get to the top of the mountain in any way we know how.
Every path has its own challenges, and maybe includes detours along the way. Sometimes we have to backtrack and find an alternate route. As long as we make it to the place we are supposed to be, does it really matter which path took us there?
#19. Life’s what you make it.
In the words of the great Hannah Montana, life’s what you make it so let’s make it right! Sure, there are some things in life that are beyond your control. But a lot of our circumstances can be controlled by our own decisions, mindset, and abilities. Don’t complain about where you are, because you have the power to change it!
So tell me now, what lessons did 2019 bring you?
