20 Lessons Learned In My Twenties

I’ve been through so much in less than a decade.

Marriage and divorce then remarriage, unplanned and planned pregnancies, dropping out of college and then re-enrolling and graduating, buying a house, mental illness and recovery. And let’s not forget the countless friendships, relationships, and jobs I’ve had along the way. My twenties have been the hardest yet most rewarding years of my life, with so many lessons learned.

Even though I’ve got a couple years left before I hit my thirties, I want to share some of the life lessons I’ve learned so far. The underlying lesson? It’s okay.

It’s okay to be selfish sometimes.

While giving yourself to others is admirable, you shouldn’t drain yourself entirely just to prove your selflessness. Nothing will exhaust you faster than taking care of others and not yourself. This is one of the most important lessons learned.

It’s okay if your childhood friends don’t last forever.

Some friendships are lifelong, but some aren’t. As we get older, we outgrow the people and places who don’t make sense in our life plan. Sometimes that means leaving friendships behind.

It’s okay to say no.

Saying no is difficult for me. #PeoplePleaserProblems right? The good news is, we can say yes less often! Make it a goal to say no more frequently. You’ll be happier for it.

It’s okay to move away.

Leaving Indiana when I first went to college was probably the scariest but best choice I ever made. I literally left behind the love of my life. But eight years later we found our way back together. So do what feels right to you, even if it’s scary! Your twenties are the time to make life changing decisions, and things will work out for the best.

It’s okay to leave a relationship that just doesn’t feel right.

Walk away from any relationship that doesn’t feel like “the one.” If you have doubts about your future, question your happiness, or just outright feel bad with your significant other, leave them. It truly can be that simple.

It’s okay to leave that job you hate.

In the 12 years I have been working, I have had 26 jobs. Yes, really. Many were simultaneous, and at one point I was working between 70-80 hour weeks. But any time I have been extremely unhappy at work, I left and found a new job. Job hopping isn’t a bad thing – don’t let anyone convince you to stay in a job you hate.

[Related Post: Job Hopping In Your 20s]

It’s okay to not give an explanation.

Not everyone deserves an explanation, and you don’t owe it to anyone either. Sometimes it’s best and easiest to just walk away without giving a reason why.

It’s okay to ask for more.

More time, more space, more money, etc. Whether you need a few more hours to finish a project, a little more personal space, or a bump in your pay because you have earned it, all you have to do is ask. The worst someone can say is no, right?

It’s okay to take time off.

Raise your hand if you’re overworked and overwhelmed with a lot to do and little time to do it. *hand raised* Take. A. Break. Go. On. Vacation. Hell, even if you can’t afford to take days off work or travel, just plan to spend an entire day or two doing nothing. You deserve it!

It’s okay to ask for help.

Admitting you’re struggling isn’t easy, but it’s the only way to get help. We all need a little help in our twenties, whether it’s financial, mental/emotional, or physical.

It’s okay to make new friends.

Having a small circle is great, but you are allowed to add to it. Keep an open mind and allow yourself to grow new friendships.

It’s okay to treat yourself.

We all deserve a little something for ourselves once in a while, especially if we’ve been working hard! In the words of Donna and Tom, treat yo’ self. This is one of my top lessons learned, because self care is critical to long term happiness and productivity.

It’s okay to not go to college.

College isn’t for everyone, and that is totally fine. Honestly, the debt can be overwhelming for some, and may not be financially feasible. Plus, not everyone needs a degree in order to be successful in life. Plenty of successful people never went to college.

It’s okay to admit you were wrong.

Sometimes you have to swallow your pride and admit you were in the wrong. But that’s just part of being an adult — knowing when you’re wrong and being mature enough to admit it so you can move forward.

It’s okay to not want children.

Despite the old people who tell you “you’ll change your mind,” some people just actually don’t want kids and that’s okay! You don’t have to reproduce in order to live a full life. Do what makes you happy.

It’s okay to not get married.

Just like with becoming a parent (or not), you don’t have to get married to have a happy or healthy relationship. Many people are perfectly content just living life without a ring on their finger. When I was younger, I thought getting married was something to aspire to — basically, another thing to check off my to do list. Now that I’ve experienced a failed marriage vs. a healthy one, I know that marriage isn’t something you can force yourself into.

It’s okay to take a break from social media.

Social media can be so draining. Emotionally, energetically, mentally. Unplugging and going dark for a little while is sometimes needed in order to stay sane. I’ve taken multiple breaks from social media over the years, and each time it has been so refreshing to not feel the need to grab my phone every five seconds to scroll. Try it sometime!

It’s okay to eat cereal for dinner.

There will be days you won’t have the energy to cook even the easiest meals. Or maybe you’ll find yourself with little money and only able to afford a few items from the grocery store. On those days, something as simple as cereal is okay! Make some toast. Eat slices of cheese. If you don’t have the capacity or resources to make an entire meal, settle for just eating whatever you can. Something is better than nothing.

It’s okay to not know what you want.

In high school you’re practically forced to decide what you want to do with your future. Will you go to college? Which one? What career will you pursue? Not all of us have the answer to such huge life questions at 16, 17, even 18 years old.

I went through four colleges to finish my bachelor’s degree (soon to be attending my fifth for a second degree!) and bounced between so many majors. I wasn’t entirely sure what I wanted to do with my life. And that’s normal. Thankfully, 10 years later, I finally figured out my career path and am making moves toward getting where I want to be. But my idea of what I wanted at 18 was nowhere close to what it is now.

It’s okay to let go and move on.

Relationships. Friendships. Jobs. Pretty much anything that you feel is holding you back in life. Let go of the things that weigh you down and watch how you soar! Moving on isn’t a bad thing — it’s what brings you closer to where you’re meant to be in life.