Our Courthouse Wedding: Why And How?
When we first announced that we had a quiet (“secret”) courthouse wedding, people had a lot of questions.
The first question about our courthouse wedding – or assumption, rather – was that we were pregnant and decided to hurry up and get married before anyone found out. I had my fair share of words to say about the topic, but my public declaration was simple: No, I am not pregnant.
I made light of it because I knew the assumption was to be expected, but truthfully I’m a little annoyed that anyone who knows me would think that it would bother me to be pregnant prior to marrying Seb. My first child was born out of wedlock, so why would I care if I had another before being married?
The question also angered me because another couple’s pregnancy is nobody else’s business! Whether or not we have more children is nobody’s business but our own. Stop asking women and couples when they plan to make a baby! (Honestly, do you really need to know about other people having unprotected sex? Probably not.)
The second question people asked us about our courthouse wedding was, Why?
There is no short answer to this question, but I will try. Truthfully, we have known each other for over a decade, we love each other, and we know what we want. Also, as my sister put it, I’m always one to keep people on their toes. I’m not the type of girl who follows tradition, and I let my heart lead a lot of my decisions. (And between you and me, my driver’s license would’ve expired next month so why not go ahead and change my name to avoid having to replace it twice in six months? LOL, I’m kidding. But it was a perk!)
The long answer? Well, there are a lot of moving pieces at play. So let me list out some of the biggest reasons why we chose to get married now instead of waiting until next May.
It’s no secret that I suffer from pretty severe anxiety when I am put under extreme stress.
Planning a wedding is no exception. And trust me, I planned my entire first wedding and DIYed the shit out of it – all my memories of that day are full of bitterness not because of my ex, but because of how much anxiety and frustration I felt throughout the entire day.
Though I’ll admit I haven’t dealt with nearly as much anxiety or stress over planning our wedding, the thought of possibly succumbing to my anxiety on the day of our ceremony terrifies me. Truly, I get tense just thinking about maybe feeling stressed out on that day. A big part of it is due to my social anxiety – having nearly a hundred people staring directly at me as I walk down the aisle makes me want to hide under a rock.
Sure, wedding days are always stressful to some degree. But if I can prevent anxiety attacks by marrying Seb seven months ahead of time? Then hell yeah, I’m going to do it! Knowing that we are already married prior to having our official ceremony takes a huge amount of pressure off of that day. I feel relief planning our spring wedding now knowing that even if shit hits the fan, we can always bail because we’re already married.
Another major pro of having our courthouse wedding was the low cost.
Although we do plan to still have a small ceremony with approximately 30 guests and a reception with nearly 100 people, we won’t feel obligated to have some big blowout event. Rings not included, we spent just over $100 to get married and celebrate afterward with a lunch date.
Wedding Romper (Adeline Clothing) – $39
Indiana Marriage License – $18
BMV Name Change – $17.50
Wedding Rings – Seb’s $25.67 on Amazon, mine $593.83 from Kay Jewelers – Total $619.50
Post-Ceremony Lunch & Pie (Grand Traverse Pie Company) – $45
ALL-IN TOTAL: $739
Getting married at the courthouse also took no major planning.
We got married on a Tuesday because it’s the only day of the week Seb is off work and the county clerk’s office isn’t open on the weekend. Two days before we got married, we found my wedding band and ordered his online. One day before? We were sitting on the couch and I said, “Will you marry me tomorrow?”
While the question seemed last minute, I had secretly went online earlier that day and filled out a marriage application. I knew for a few weeks that I wanted to get married privately, but wanted to wait until I found the right wedding band first. Once I knew our rings were on their way, I saw no reason to wait any longer.
Tuesday morning – October 1st – we went to the courthouse around 9:30am and paid for our license. We found a judge who had an appointment available that afternoon, so I went back to work for the rest of the morning. Around 1:30pm we went back, and by 2:30pm we were married! (Fun fact, the judge who married us shares our last name but has no relation LOL.)
Having a courthouse wedding wasn’t your typical “romantic wedding” but it was much more intimate.
I can understand why so many people want to have friends and family surrounding them on their wedding day. They want to share the moment with everyone. Me? I’m more selfish. I want that special moment to be only about the two of us, not everyone else. My dream was never to have some huge $30k wedding. The perfect ceremony in my eyes? Simple and private.
Weddings tend to be more of a show for guests than anything anymore, and I think people forget what a wedding is actually for. It shouldn’t be about everyone else or about getting the perfect photos for Instagram. Making a huge spectacle just to impress people is such a waste of time and money. I didn’t want that for my wedding. In fact, I really didn’t want a wedding; I wanted a marriage. All I wanted was to marry my favorite person – and that’s what weddings should be about.
I know what you’re thinking now: But Kristan, if you don’t want a wedding why are you still having a ceremony in the spring?
It’s a fair question, I’ll admit. Let me fill you in on a little secret: I had a friend photograph my first wedding. She took so many family photos – including pictures of my Greek family from Delta Zeta. I even did my Big/Little reveal at my first wedding because it was planned on the same day and I didn’t want my Little to miss out, and my photographer captured those moments for me.
But unfortunately I never got my pictures back. Truthfully I didn’t really care about the wedding photos. I was just extremely disappointed to not get any photos of the special moments with my family. So this time, I don’t want to miss an opportunity for professional family photos.
We’ve hired an incredible photographer, and we plan to have her photograph an intimate and beautiful ceremony followed by photos of the entire family. With everyone living in different states and various cities, this may be our only opportunity to have everyone together for photos. I refuse to miss the chance!
With all of that said, I want to leave you with a little advice if you’re considering a courthouse wedding too.
Do what feels right to you. If the only reason you’re planning a “real” wedding is to appease your family, cancel your plans and go to the courthouse. Or if you have major anxiety about all the things that could go wrong – because let’s be honest, everything that happens that day is pretty much out of your control – maybe go to the courthouse a couple days beforehand.
Conversely, if your SO wants to “just get it over with” at the courthouse, but you want a real wedding? Maybe reconsider getting married altogether LOL. Whatever you choose to do, your wedding day is about you and your partner. Get married your way.
