Proud Mom Moments Are Total Bullshit – Here’s Why

Before you come at me screaming about how wrong you think I am, that you are so proud of your kids, hear me out.

Before we talk about proud mom moments, let’s first define pride. Pride is defined as a feeling of pleasure or satisfaction in your own achievements. While this can sometimes extend outside of oneself and be projected onto others (i.e. “I’m proud of you!”), the widely accepted definition of pride has to do with your own personal success.

Essentially, pride is a form of self-satisfaction.

I have to pause here before I really get into things because I admit I have used the term “proud mom moments” about my own daughter. I’m not condemning any mom who wants to share #proudmama posts on Instagram, because I get it. But recently I’ve started to reflect on what that term actually means, and what it implies, and honestly? It kind of leaves a bad taste in my mouth these days.

As parents, of course we are amazed by our kids and their ability to learn and grow.

From saying their first words to taking their first steps to attending their first day of school, we watch as they transform from helpless creatures into functioning, independent humans. And we are so happy for them because we raised them. We taught them how to be capable of doing all the things that will turn them into a fully self-sufficient being. And we are so fucking proud of ourselves for it.

Let me repeat that: We are so proud of ourselves for raising these tiny humans.

I’m gonna rewind for a second and recap just to make sure you’re picking up what I’m putting down here. Pride in its most basic form is self satisfaction. As parents, we are proud of how our kids have grown because of our ability to raise them. If you’re still not understanding this connection I’m trying to make here, that’s okay. It took a lot of self reflection for me to get it. So let me try to break it down a bit.

When we say we are proud of our kids, what are we really saying?

Are we truly proud of them for achieving these milestones? Or – as I suspect – are we proud of ourselves for pushing them to get there? When it comes down to it, I think a lot of our proud mom moments aren’t about being proud of our kids; they’re about us being proud of ourselves as parents.

It’s kind of twisted when you think about it, isn’t it?

We make all these public #proudmama declarations to brag about our kids, when in reality we are only bragging on ourselves. After all, only a good parent would raise a kid who learned how to tie his shoes, right? *eye roll* See what I mean though? We brag about these milestones that basically every kid will reach at one point or another because we want validation as moms and dads that we are doing this whole parenting thing right, because if we weren’t doing it right then our kid wouldn’t reach those stages in the first place. Right? *second eye roll*

Now, let me remind you, my hands aren’t entirely clean either.

I’m pretty sure I’ve used the #proudmama tag on Instagram. I brag about how quickly Elsie learns new words and phrases. My kid isn’t quite 18 months old yet and she is smart. She’s ahead of the curve with her age group and I am so proud of her intellect and ability to soak up knowledge. So yeah, I will post statuses on Facebook about her saying stuff like “Mommy not nice” or videos of her telling people she loves them. It’s just human nature, you feel me?

My point is, I’m not judging you for doing these things. I’m not a perfect person by any means, and honestly most days I don’t really feel like the best mom either. Hell, my daughter was quick to point that out this week when I ran out of sugar wafers and was deemed “not nice”!

But there is something to be said about posting proud mom moments for the right vs. wrong reasons.

I’m trying to be more conscious of this myself. Truthfully it is so annoying when someone is obviously posting for validation about their parenting skills rather than just because their kid did or said something quirky or cute or just totally unexpected. I mean, kids do say the darnedest things, am I right?! It’s totally okay to share those moments with the world – we all want to. But think about why you want to share it before you hit “post”.

To be honest, I don’t have much faith in my own parenting (no, I don’t think I’m a terrible mom, I just think my child’s achievements are a reflection of her own intelligence rather than my parenting – more on that another day). But I would never want to seem like I am desperate for other people to tell me I am doing a great job simply for my own satisfaction. I mean, why do any of us need someone else to tell us we’re good parents for us to feel good about ourselves? If your kids are fed, clothed, sheltered, and loved, you are a good parent.

To sum it up, I’d like to do away with the unnecessary proud mom moments posts.

That’s not to say we can’t be proud of our kids – we should be! But we should be more aware of moments in which we are choosing to share that pride for selfish reasons rather than for the right reasons. Before you post that photo of your kid using the big kid potty (or any other milestone/moment), ask yourself: Am I sharing this because I want to reflect my child’s independence or intelligence, or because I want validation that I am a good mom?

If it’s for the right reason, go for it! We all love to see happy children brighten our feeds. But if it’s the latter, maybe (read: definitely) don’t share it. It’s okay to be proud of yourself, but remember that being too prideful isn’t exactly a good thing. There’s a reason pride is one of the seven deadly sins, after all.